Here's where I bitch and complain about stuff.
Not really so much bitching and complaining as insights. But there's definetely a hefty amount of bitchin' going on here.

Name Calling
I was sitting in church today and I was thinking about how stupid we've all become along the subject of name calling. I remember watching 'Hook' and seeing that part with Rufio and Robin Williams fighting. And they'd say like dog snot with flies on the side and like all this gross stuff. And I mean these were long names with at least 80 adjectives. I don't have to explain everyone's seen this movie (except maybe monika, she asked me if 'Top Gun' was a movie once...). But think about the last time you've called a person a name, chances are you used the following words: {any word having to do with a penis or vagina}, the "f" word, shit, ass(hole), faggot, gay....and I think that about covers that up. We've lost touch with name calling. We need to band together as Americans and make touch with are old name calling roots from our childhood. "And that's all I have to say...about that."

WORKING OUT
Ok, if you didn't know me in seventh grade, I'll explain to you what it was like. I was very skinny. And I was flexible and I was on gymnastics. Yes yes laugh it up but the spandex felt good on my nuts so shut up. Anyway, 8th grade rolled around and I was like Hubert, the garbage truck from the Rugrats. I ate so much and I was losing weight at the same time. I have no idea how it happened. I rarely ate during school because of my ritalyn which is a whole 'nother bitching and complaining story. So, anyway. My first job was at an ice cream store (well my first REAL job, which is ANOTHER story), and I would be left alone there for like 6 hours at a time. Like an idiot the manager was like "you can eat whatever you want" then he'd go and have sex with his girlfriend who was a MAJOR bitch. But yeah so anyway, I did exactly what I was told, and ate everything. At least 3 chocolate sundaes every work period. So I did that until 9th grade where I was so friggin disgusting. I was fat let's face it, but not Justin Rubin in 6th grade fat...more like...Rosie O'Donnell. Who is fat but not EXTREMELY MACY'S DAY PARADE fat. So I stopped eating for a little while and I slimmed down. I stopped eating so much fatty foods and stuff. Don't worry I wasn't annorexic, I love food more than my parents but I just wouldn't eat during school during the week (except for like super shakes and stuff). So here's the moment you've been waiting for 'the point of the story'. Sorry to talk like a rambling old woman but it's been a long pointless night. I slimmed down to where I am today and along the way everyone's like "work out Retus, it's fun and you get stronger!" yeah no shit you get stronger, but it's too much work and I don't feel like lifting 45 pounds while everyone waits on me so they can life 245 pounds. And let's face it, it's boring. You sit and you lift. And perhaps listen to DMX while doing it. Until like 3 weeks ago my gym class went down to the weight room. I figured why not? So I started lifting weights. And I'm not kidding by like the 2nd week my man boobs were tighter and my arms like doubled their size. Trust me, working out is amazing. Don't hesitate to start, it feels amazing. And try and tell me you're working out by running on a tredmill. Yeah that doesn't work, sorry. It just makes you tired. And don't tell me those little pulse thingies that you glue to your stomach is working out either. But yeah so the point is, work out. IT'S WORKED FOR ME! IT CAN WORK FOR YOU TOO!

TRUE LIFE: I HAVE A.D.D. (Attention Deficit Disorder)
This isn't really an insight, but there's definetely gonna be much bitching and complaining going on here. If you're a good friend of mine, you've heard me complain about my A.D.D. and ritalyn (some of you have probably encountered it whether it'd be talking to me in school or hearing me attempt to tell a story without stopping for "uhhhhhhh's" in between). I was "diagnosed" with A.D.D. in 3rd grade and that's when I got a good 6 years of my fun happy life taken away with ritalyn from the doctor. He gave me this cool list of people who had A.D.D. too. Did you know Michael Jordan and Fonzi had A.D.D? It's true they did. So since 3rd grade I've had A.D.D. and had to take medicine for it. I slowly went from like half a pill to about like 3 a day. I loved having A.D.D. cause it was a such a good excuse for everything. In sixth grade (this was before EVERYONE had A.D.D.) if I got yelled at in class, I'd stay after and tell the teacher I had A.D.D. and I couldn't pay attention and that I was very sorry and that she looked beautiful today. Then I'd be on my way to the next class out of trouble. That worked until 8th grade where it was my favorite joke to use during health. So now like everyone thinks they have it and they laugh about it. It's a funny disorder, but don't take advantage of it come on now. If your doctor tells you you have A.D.D. DON'T TAKE RITALYN. It was the worst. Six years I was on it and I was so serious that if someone told me a joke, I'd laugh just to be polite. I couldn't even look my own best friend in the eye just to talk to them cause I was so nervous. My heart would beat like twice it's normal speed and I'd get dizzy and get headaches like everyday. It was so horrible. But it made me not hungry so that made me not eat during school which was good. So whatever you do, don't take ritalyn. I'm now on this stuff called Adderall or something. It's like ritalyn 2.0. I can't complain about it, it's awesome, I'm getting A's and I can finally look at people and laugh like a little school girl again. (why do all of my insights end like a commercial? sorry about that.)

MICROSOFT? WORD!
You know, the program: Microsoft Word. I figured I would be creative for once. I don't understand how it's so fucking incredible. I thought spell check was so freakin amazing but then as the years progressed and I rely on it more and more, I slowly go deeper and deeper into it's magical core. Then you see the grammar check and all the graphs and tables and pictures you can make. I don't understand how the goddamn computer understands english more than I do. I mean holy shit, how does it know which "there" to use? But, all that slowly adds up to an awesome program. What more do you need? The answer is a little talking paper clip that helps me with my writing. BAM! I have my very own paper clip bitch to do whatever I tell it to do. Well anyway, the reason why I'm talking about a fucking computer program is because I was typing in some addresses into Word when this weird looking line appears underneath with some exclamation point box. So I right clicked the address with the line under it and it says "Driving Directions" and "Map Maker" or something like that. How the hell does it do that? It can make maps too? Come on, it's the god of all computer programs. Someone write to Bill Gates and tell him about the problems we all face about making breakfast every morning. Pretty soon that little paper clip guy will do THAT for you too. But don't forget: technology like that also gives you that fucked up new system they have at school so you can't cut class anymore. It feels like we're in elementary school. No CD players, no phones, now we can't cut. Where's the fun? All the stories I hear my brother talk about like all the funny things he did, I can't do now cause of all this goddamned technology. Anyway, go out and buy word, but don't support the screwed up NY education system.

THE NEW NEW YORK STATE LAW
Ok, here's one of my shorter insights. I think there should be a law in New York for it to be illegal for 'daddys' to buy there daughters brand new cars. It sucks that the guy goes off and wastes his whole summer working his ass off to save up for a piece of shit Jetta with missing seatbelts. Then the girl (most likely ghetto) goes out, has sex with everyone then comes home and she gets a brand new Saturn from daddy for her birthday. And...yeah that's it...told you it was short.

AMERICAN EAGLE - I used to love this store. I mean oh my god, what a selection! But yeah I used to love AE, it had those cool pants that would turn into shorts. I never wore jeans, i always wore like the zipper pants and that was it. Then they forced me to wear jeans. This store creates new people every season. If you like to play piano...too bad, now you like to longboard. I just noticed this today. Apparently if I want to wear american eagle shirts, i have to surf. But I don't want to surf. Too bad, if i wanna wear ae shirts i have to surf. They control who you are and what you 'like' to do. I like the music I listen to. It's good, it puts me in a good mood. Then when I buy my clothes there, they hand me a CD and now they're showing me the kind of music I have to listen to. I'm going through more changes than a kid in puberty. And yes, I listened to the CD on the bus. I'm turning into someone else. I think i'm giving up that store. I started to notice that i'm supposed to look like a cowboy too. They have these huge ass brown leather belts with these huge buckles. Well, I'm gonna go surf. See you later.

CANCER
I don't know what I'm trying to prove. I'm not trying to change anything. But I'm sick and fucking tired of how goddamned pointless cancer is. My aunt got it. QT from 2ge+her got it. Everyone gets it! It's so freaking stupid. Cause it's not like you did something to deserve it. It's not like, "Well, Johnny maybe you should've thought twice before you took a shit in dad's pick-up." It's like, "Maybe you should've thought twice about going outside." You go outside and BAM! Skin cancer. You're masturbating and POW! Testicular cancer. (or breast cancer if you're weird like that.) I just wanted to get that off my future cancer infested chest. Thanks for listening. Later yo.

WALT HITLER? ADOLF DISNEY?
Ok, everyone's aware of my strange obsession with Disney, and there are a few people who come up to me saying "DISNEY WAS A NAZI! He wouldn't let black kids into Disneyland when it first opened!" Well, check out what Disney has done, cause obviously he's a genius. Disneyland in California, Walt Disney World in Florida which contains: MGM Studios, Epcot (hey shut up I like Epcot), Animal Kingdom, the Magic Kingdom, Downtown Disney, and Disney Boardwalk. Not to mention movies and television and his own channel. Also there are Disney parks all over the world like Tokyo and France. While keeping that in mind, listen to my reasoning. I'm not sure if the "Nazi" rumor is true. But let's say that it was. Picture the last time you've been to an amusement park during the summer. You'll be having a great time then BAM! like a kick in the nuts, there's like 30 black kids wearing the same yellow shirts online for the ride you wanted to go on. It's a depressing sight. I wanna go on the ride. I don't wanna see a whole fucking camp full of black kids making me wait an hour longer to get on the ride. So, even if he was a nazi, he was a nazi who cared. **No, I am not racist, I don't hate black people, it's just that I always see these camps of black kids that's all. So don't think I be trippin' B.**

MANNEQUINS PISS ME OFF
It's the most goddamn unfair thing ever. I work hard on making myself look hot. I gel my hair, I work out (sometimes), I eat healthy (sometimes), I wear my nice shirts with my new shoes and I make sure, then double check that I don't have boogers, but somehow a fucking piece of plastic without a head is hotter than me! How does he do it?! He doesn't even have a face. Sometimes he won't even have arms. But everything looks good on him. Especially the mannequins with the hard nipples, I've seen you guys check her out before. She's the reason why I go to the mall. But anyway, it just pisses me off that EVERYTHING looks good on him. You can put a big pink shirt that says 'I'M GAY!' on it, and I'll look at it and go, 'well if looks good on him, it'll look good on me!' And then I'll buy it, and it'll look just like the shirt said, gay! I hate mannequins.

PUT DOWN THE DOOBIE GRANDPA
I'm sick and tired of our generation being looked down upon. They think we're all really stupid. Like all we do is drugs and cause mischeif. Well, fuck you old man. Try this on for size. Every episode of Behind the Music on VH1 deals with the artists of our time doing drugs, gettin high and drunk and then going double platinum with their records. Then our parents and old people say that our musicians have no talent. But at least we know what we're writing about in our songs. "Cheer up Sleepy Jean, oh what can it mean? To a day dream believer and a home coming queen." What the fuck does that mean?! Then you see them on TV going, "We were too fuccccking high to rememememember what we were writing about." Then we have I'd like to be, Under the sea, in an octopus's garden in the shade. And I love the Beatles, but what the hell does that mean?! At least our generation doesn't make millions off a song about chillin with a motherfucking octopus.

BLUE PUNCH BUGGY, WHAT THE HELL?
Ok, it's always a favorite in long car rides, the ever popular "punch buggy." For those of you who aren't aware of the game, when you see a Volkswagen Beetle, you punch someone and say :Color: Punch buggy, no backsies. That doesn't even rhyme or anything. What the hell is a punch buggy? I think it's what the Amish drive. But I really don't get how this game came about or why it's so popular, but it is. I know most of you are thinking, hey retus, leave the punch buggy game again, but ya boy here wouldn't leave you hanging with nothing to do. I've thought of a new game, it's 20 times better than that old buggy shit. "Taxi smacksi, no backsi." It's genius I know. Whenever you see a taxi you punch (or smack) the person closest to you and say the phrase that'll catch on quicker than SARS to a Chinaman. TAXI SMACKSI NO BACKSI! Hell yes.

DICK....I MEAN NICK COADY