Not to show off, but "The Crucible" is the fucking master of all movies. "Dumb and Dumber," "Jaws," all those classics, don't compare to this comical masterpiece. Not available in stores. There is all the key elements of a good movie, Sex, Drugs, DJ's Gut, and Violence. Everyone came over around 3:30pm on saturday and we taped until 6:30 in the morning the next day!!!! You know it's gotta be good. Slowly as we go through this 20 minute long tale of sorrow and joy, you notice how fucked up we get cause we're so tired. And this is a movie you could watch 4 times a day for the rest of your life, and still laugh your ass off. Guaranteed you will LOVE this movie. Everyone worked equally as hard to create this kick ass film. The cast includes, Dan Joseph Scully (DJ), Matt Brown, Johnny Welsh, Ben Hartard, Zach Brittman, Jordan Pine, and of course, myself (Brian Retus).On its viewing during 6th period, about 10 people came rushing in from other classes to come and watch our video. I'm not lying or exaggerating, I PEED IN MY PANTS during one of the scenes. It's that funny. There are also little sexual things in the movie in which you need to look really hard to find it. For example, the first scene is Matt Brown portraying "Ron Howard" and saying, "Oh, hello, I didn't hear you come in." And if you look on the table, there are Maxim magazines, tissues, and vaseline. Ha ha oh man, I love it. Jordan made a good point saying, "You know why it's good? Cause there's no girls in it." And not to be sexist, but he's right, guys are much funnier than girls, plus they'd just sit and fuck it up by giggling the whole goddamn time. But anyway, about the secret stuff, even in the credits. If you look hard enough, when "Tituba" is written in the credits, it's written "Tituba". ha ha oh man. If you are interested in viewing this legendary film portraying Arthur Miller's play, "The Crucible," you may IM me or whatever and you may come over and watch it. There is also a soundtrack available. If you're interested, just ask me. Thanks for your time.
The Pimpbox
Talk about fucking amazing. This fine piece of machinery produced by Ben Hartard, is the only thing a man needs for the rest of his life. The Pimpbox was originally a .99 X-Box. But once ol' Benny got his nerdy little hands on it, it contains EVERY game for Super Nintendo. Which is enough for me. But I guess not for Ben. He also put games for Nintendo, Sega Genesis, Nintendo 64, X-Box, Game Boy, and even old Arcade games, which include "Turtles in Time." My brother and I played as many SuperNES games as we could for the week we had it. I was charged for 7 days of pure orgasmic game play. There is a menu that once the Pimpbox is activated, and the blue LED's light up the "Calvin pissing on the PS2 logo," in which there is a very hot, very sexy, and very almost naked girl as the background. There is no room for 80's "compact disc" technology here. No need for a CD. It's all on the memory which holds more information then Tim Logan's calculator. I remember going to the list of SuperNES games and holding down the "Quick Scroll" button and the list took about 5 seconds to finish. Do you realize how many games that is?! Now, Ben had no idea so many people would be interested in this DVD player which has zooming capabilities (in which I used in calaboration with my "Charlie's Angels" DVD), CD player, and every game system that is capable of being on his Pimpbox, that his price will be higher than a week. Trust me, whatever the price, it's worth it. Halo, Turtles in Time, Super Mario, Pok`emon Red, Blue, and Silver, ALL ON THE SAME SYSTEM!!! It's even got a little vaccuum on the side in which you can stick your penis in.......well I'm lying about that, but there's no need for that when you have the Pimpbox. It's months of nonstop awesomness, and Ben makes it better and bigger like every month. Plus, every dollar spent on rentals is put into the Pimpbox. So don't delay, rent the fucking Pimpbox.
-Pimpbox v2.0 will be available by mid January
This Picture of Matt Walsh
This was stolen out of Kim Palacino's wallet and uploaded into computer format by John Welsh. Because I HAD to have it.
Elf Blackjack
Why would you scroll down through all that nothingness?
